My Life
by VirtuousChrisy
Summary: ...Always The One Who Gets Hurt...Is This Really, what My Life Has Come To...
1. Chapter 1

Bonnie POV

"**Sorrowing man"  
><strong>

"… Always the one who gets hurt…." That was the only think running through my mind, as the tears refused to stop flowing down these high cheekbones mine. It was like the more that phrase replayed in my head, the more the hole in me was widening and instead of blood, tears were pouring out.

"**Look how worn you've become"**

"… Always the one who gets hurt…." The phrase was so troubling and true that hearing it out loud finally, was just so overwhelming. It didn't make me feel any better; that someone finally realized this, it made it that much worst, that it had taken them this long to see it. To see the sacrifices that I have made and how it is always reined by someone and goes up in flames, pun intended. So yea, the hole that had been forming in my chest since I learnt about everything and since grams died was only getting bigger and the pain more severe but I hid it the best I could because everyone needs me to be strong and focus, not crumbling and weeping like the seventeen year old I really am.

"**You once were Lord of the baron sea"**

But right now I have bigger concerns, concerns that are causing me more unbelievable pain inside. The woman who I have been mad at for over 15 years, the one that abandoned me and chose to live without knowing me was laying 10 feet away die! So yea, I have bigger concerns, than to hear how much Elena was sorry or how much she wanted to talk to me because truly I don't think our friendship is strong enough right now to handle the words floating around in my head.

"**There's blood on our hands, in this perfect madness"  
><strong>

So as I heard the door close, I release a gust of wind, I didn't realize I was holding. There was a shift in the air, a dead like silence in the atmosphere. So I turned to see where Caroline was, because, right now I needed her presence, so much, to keep my sanity intact and the guilt away for at least a little while. Thankfully, I didn't have to strain my eyes in the dimly lit room to look for her, she was right in front of me- It still annoys and amazes me how fast she is now- piercing me with those blue oceanic eyes searching for something. What? I didn't know or maybe I truly didn't want to know because nothing good can come of it, the staring was just too intense, so I looked for an escape to the next nearest room, which so happens to be the kitchen.

"**You're living on borrowed time"**

"How much of that did you hear" the she asked following closely behind me

"Does it matter?" I replied, continuing to walking

"Well she wanted you to know that she loves you…." she began

"…"I didn't respond right away because I was much too distracted with the photos on the fridge of us as kid, all toothy and carefree, those were purer times, beautiful memories.

"Bonnie?" She said, after she saw me stop and stare off.

Then she came up behind me and touched my arm breaking me out of my little daze.

"You ok?" she asked and that did register to my brain but also startled me.

"Huh, oh yea yea I'm… I'm fine, sorry was just thinking about something" "what were you saying before" I replied after suddenly being brought back to reality.

"That's …Ohk; I was just telling you what Elena said"

"Oh" was my only response, but what did she expect, I don't want to talk about Elena right.

"So, she said to tell you she is sorry and that she loves you"

I inhaled deeply and then let out a long sigh trying to rein in my sudden anger.

"Yea, well love doesn't save lives" I replied coldly and then focused on Elena in the picture and softly added "or maybe only hers"

"**Oh how you have lost your way"**

After those words left my mouth, everything went silent, it was as if an angel was passing and it was forbidden to utter another word, only breathing was allowed but I knew Caroline hear me.

After a tense minute I finally moved and went into the fridge and took out a bottle of water because my throat was dry from all the crying. I could feel Caroline's eyes on me but I didn't have the heart to look her in the eyes, I didn't have the heart to do anything, so I stared into the nothingness that had become my life. The only peace I see, which is nothing, which is the air. You can't see it but it is felt.

"**Oh how you have lost your way"**

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Caroline POV

**"There's no sympathy,"  
><strong>

I was very much in tune with bonnie even before I started to speak with Elena, and even after she left, I know bonnie was near because I could hear her breathing and each heartbeat. Especially with the level of silence in the house but what did I really expect? There was a semi dead person resting and best friend hiding, well at least there was one less situation for bonnie to deal with, because Elena was gone. I knew that Elena felt bad and that she really wanted to help but right now Bonnie was not in a fully stabled state to see her. I mean I know that deep down, Bonnie knew it wasn't Elena's fault but like I said to Elena, Bonnie is always at the short end of the receiving stick and she needs time to deal.

"**For we don't know the cure"**

Each heartbeat and each breathe was getting louder as I neared Bonnie and within seconds. There were various looks that washed over Bonnie's face, the first was surprise-probably to see me instantly in front of her-, then there was annoyance and finally what looked like relief with a mix of something else but I couldn't put my finger on it. So I stared at her trying to identify it but either she thought I was being weird or was hiding from me and tried to escape, key word try.

"**Cause what you've got, well it runs too pure"**

I was speaking to her but it seemed as though she was somewhere else and that bothered me because I didn't know if it was a good or bad place. So I touch her and tried to resume a semblance of a conversation but that didn't end well. I head and understood fully what Bonnie said, she is hurt right now and feels bitter. I get it, I was there once before, when it was always Elena this, Elena that, and it is has if no one else mattered but Bon was there for me and I will be here for her.

"**But you've lived and breathed more than any man I know"**

But there was just something about Bonnie right now that seemed so foreign but yet familiar to me. It could be the tears that stain her cheeks that I had seen, when I had gone to pick her up at the Salvatore house that night after all the ghost went away. I had seen the tears on her face when she found out what baby Gilbert- that lying piece of... ok focus-did. Or it could be that cold disconnecting raspy voice she heard when Bonnie's dad couldn't come home for her fifteenth birthday or maybe it is that look of utter defeat framing her body but the Bonnie that was standing there staring into the air, was like nothing I have ever seen.

"Hey Bon are you going to finish that" I asked slowly and softly as not to scare her again.

"Uh..." replied Bonnie looking down at the bottle of water, releasing a sigh said "um yea I, I am"

This was starting to freak me out because though I had not seen bonnie much when her grams died I heard from Elena that before bonnie left she was like this, silent and for a lack of a better word creepy. She didn't know how to deal with this type of bonnie, bonnie was and is always the strong one, the one with the good advice and a broad shoulder to lean/cry on but this bonnie that looked to broken was more that I bargained for.

"**But you're not done, oh, at least, I hope"**

But I had to be strong for my friend especially since the other 1/3 of our trio was not welcomed. So thinking fast on my feet and waiting for bonnie to finish her drink of water, I walked over to her carefully with a soft smile and asked:

"Would you like to lie down?"

"No"

"Are you sure?" "Cause you can sleep with me tonight in my room" I pushed

"No, I can't" she refused

"Bon, please, just come with me" I begged and continued "I know you must feel tired"

Bonnie responded, avoiding eye contact

"Sorry Care, I can't, but really I'm fine" she paused before looking into the room with her mom and then said "Plus, I need to stay with Abby, I need to make sure she is ok"

"She is still out" I replied and was only met with silence.

"**Oh how you have lost your way"**

**"Oh how you have lost your way"  
><strong>

I tried once more to tell her that we would be in the next room and I would hear if Abby got up, and joked about of my impeccable hearing, which didn't have its desired effect on her.

Because, Bonnie responded by walking away from me entering the spare room, eyes focus on Abby, took the seat next to the bed and held her limp motionless hand, in her more warm visibly shaking one.

"I need to be there for her, I need to" she said meekly like a child and I gave in because I got it, she needed her mom more than anything. But I made her promise to come to me if Abby woke or if she needed something.

"**In this life that we have made together"**

"**Oh how you have lost your way"**

I lingered for a few more minutes, observing the intimate moment between mother and daughter before realizing that I was intruding and then retiring to my room, man, today was a long one.

**"Oh how you have lost your way"**

**"Oh how you have lost your way"**

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Disclaimer: Vampire diaries does not belong to me or do any of the characters. Sorrowing man does not belong to me but to City and Colour. Only this story line is mine.

I hope you all enjoy this story it is my first. I was more than very displeased when the events of 3x15 happened and then when there were no stories on it, I just had to do one. Please review because feedback is loved.


	2. Chapter 2

Bonnie POV

I was glad that Caroline was there for me and refused to let Elena enter the house on my request. Indeed I had heard every word that left Elena's mouth but again, only that one phrase was repeating in her head "… Always the one who gets hurt…."

Even in the kitchen watching those photos of how care free we were, did nothing to erase the hell, we were living in now. So the comment made in the kitchen that 'loves don't save lives," was truer that I can admit. What happen to all those fairytale stories of happily ever after and true loves' kiss, guess that was really only for DreamWorks. But man, what I wouldn't give to be in one right now, than this reality that is my life.

As I look at my mom, yes I am finally referring to her as my mom-I can't help it, tragedy does that to you-I think about what could have been, if she had stayed and helped raised me, what we would have done together, the stories- the memories. But I can't go down that path because it would only bring back up the abandonment issues I have been working at for years, to keep in the deepest part of my heart. Seeing her again, however gave me some sense of hope, that I could finally have my little dream of a family but no that was just too much to ask. My happiness was never important, never significant enough to be thought of, so here I was again, stuck between a rock and a dead place. I can't even admit it to myself out loud, so what am I really going to do when she wakes up. I can't exactly smile and go, "hey mom, guess what you a vampire now" yea, don't think that will go over well with her either.

Sigh, my life is so messed up and who can I really blame but myself. Great here comes that stupid pain again, but now as I Iook at my mom and with no Caroline around to distract me, the guilt resurfaces. And is rushing up into my throat, like a river about to bust but I'm trying to push it back down, because any faint light sound, Caroline will be in here faster than lightening. But the consuming grief and guilt are fighting with such force it's hard to breathe and I can't open my mouth to make a sound because then it all will break loose- I will break loose.

So I try to think of anything else, something, goodness-please something but the room, it is to stuffy and I'm hot and the bad feelings keep coming and all I can do is run out of the room and "SMACK" right into something hard, which does nothing for my balance and down I go. Great just what I need, to add to all of my problems, a swore butt. Looking up I see that I ran right into Caroline, who looks groggy but with a slight smirk, like me on my butt is the funniest things in this world. Figures, my misery would bring pleasure to others. Shaking my head I accept the outstretched hand that appears to assist me in my stance.

"Are you ok" she asks trying not to smile to broadly

"Yep, just peachy, you know me occasional clumsy Bonnie" I responded with full sarcasm, while dusting off my pants

"…." She stands there still trying to hold in the laughter but unfortunate that didn't last long and out came her boisterous laughter that fills the entire house.

"Hey, do not laugh at me, remember the time we were coming out the school doors and you thought it was a good idea to walk backwards and fell down the stairs, now that was funny, ahahahahaha"

""hey that was not funny, I hurt my arm and had to sit out our football game" she replied somberly

"Yea but I told you not to and yet you continued, and that is what you get" I laugh out and with laughter being so contiguous both of us were laughing up a storm.

"Look, Look guys I can walk **backwarrrrrrrrrrrrdsssss and BAM**!" I imitated the event of the tragic misfortune of Caroline Forbes, clearing forgetting the grief that nearly over took me at moment ago.

"hey" she countered

But I was too far gone to stop my laughing now, it was like she awakened a beast that has been dormant for years and before long she was laughing right alongside me again. Then out of the blue she gave me a look, one I knew all too well and like the moron, I become when laughing, thought that I could out run a vampire. Obviously that didn't end well and she caught me just before I made it pass the couch and started to tickle me to death- but hey what a way to go out, right.

So there we are on the couch killing ourselves with laughter and me trying in futile to get away

"Haaaaaaaaaaaaahahaha, Carrrrrrrrrrrrre sttttttttoooooooooooop pleeeeeeeease, haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahah this is too much, I'll pee my pants hanhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa, !

"Nope not going to happening Bonnie Bennett, you are going to experience my monster tickles, haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahah.

"Ok oooooooook I can't breathe let me goooooooo, please" I said the best I could

"Nuhah you have to apologies for making fun of me" she replied with a big smile, one I haven't seen in a long time, to long really.

"But I was only speaking the truth", who told me to say that, the tickles started again and this time they were more fierce.

So pleading again I got her to ease a bit "Ok I'm sorry that I made fun of you care"

"And…" was she comeback

"And?" I questioned

"Say you will never do it again" she stated

After rolling my eyes I said exaggeratedly "I won't do it again" but she knew I was being playful and smiled like she had won something.

As we sat up on the couch and caught our-well my breathe completely, I couldn't help but think of how strange our laughter sounded in my ears, and I must say it is exactly what the doctor recommended.

I happily sighed, as a peaceful silence came over us, and I turned to care and asked

"Why were you up?", and continued before she could answer "I thought you were sleeping?"

"Well, motor mouth" she giggled, "I'm a light sleeper now and plus I wasn't that tired"

"Oh" was my response

Just then we heard a loud cracking sound and pause to look at each other, I don't know about Caroline but my heart was in my mouth, because my throat couldn't contain it. And as if I have lightening speed as well, we fled to the spare room housing Abby, upon entering the room I see that Caroline is closing the window, so it was a false alert and Abby is still dead, just great. Caroline hooked the latch and came to stand by me. Seeing my mom's lifeless body there, just lying was too much, so I brushed some hair out of her face which the wind blew-when the window opened. I removed it and stroked her face and then, walked to the door way with Caroline by my side before closing it behind us.

As we walked back to the living room I asked "How long does it take for this to be over and her to wake?"'

"Well it is usually by now so…." she trailed off

"So what does that mean?" I thought sadly "is she dead-dead?" but I didn't have it in me to voice such a thought.

"Look, Bon, maybe it different with her because she is, you knew, different"

"Yea, I sure hope so" but that didn't make me feel any better. So not wanting to continue this dreadful conversation I changed the topic to Caroline's life.

And either she didn't realize or was just letting me have this and didn't mention the change. I think it is the latter; people don't give her credit for her smarts.

"So what is going on with you" I started

"Not much just trying to live this undead life is all" she quipped

To which I responded with "I see"

The vibe around us was light and nice like a few minutes before.

"So, what's this I hear about Klaus taking a liking to you?"

"Oh, it's nothing, he was just trying to weasel his way into my good graces but I'm too smart and pretty for him" she said flipping her hair in a jovial way.

I couldn't help but smile at this, "What's going on between you and Tyler?"

And that is when the Caroline Forbes I knew from since the third grade started up a talking, and she calls me motor mouth, well if this isn't pot-kettle. I joked inwardly.

Hearing her talk about her own life and romance confusion was a welcomed distraction from my sucky one. Thankfully, she wasn't looking for my advice but more so an ear, to listen to her babbles on and on. Just showing how much she had changed and remained the same.

So I just sat back and enjoyed the animated show that is my blonde friends and let her voice take me away, of course I nodded and ummmmed at the appropriate time but I let her have the floor, I didn't mind at all.

On the left side of the room something caught my eye; it was another picture of us girls at a peep rally about 3 years prior. The smiles on our faces were big and the innocence in our eye astonishing. Back then our only major concern was passing mid-terms and finals and who we wanted to ask us to the next school dance. But now all that had changed, the world we live in now is so surreal and no matter how much I pinch myself, I still wake up in this nightmare.

"So right now I'm not sure where we stand, it just so crazy around here you know and I wish he'd come back" that was the last thing I heard before care went silent. And when I turned she was trying to hide the tears but I saw them.

"Oh, care I know honey, but I'm sure he will" and continued "I mean it's not like he cheated on you with a ghost" I tried to quip but failed miserable because that still hurt.

I didn't know what to say really, because I was still dealing with my own heart break but I had to give her some sort of hope. So I moved closer to her and pulled her into a hug because I realize that I wasn't the only one living in this nightmare and suffering. And there is where we stayed until we fell asleep, and though it wasn't the most comfortable position on the couch, I had my bestie and therefore I was good-at least until the sun rose.

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Disclaimer: Vampire diaries does not belong to me or do any of the characters. Only this story line is mine. Also I would like to add that this is not a songfic but occasionally I will use songs, so to help bring across the emotion of the scenes. Damon POV will not becoming up anytime so, I want to focus on Bonnie for a bit and then include Damon but rest assure that when he shows up it will be explosive! Lol I've said too much already. I hope you enjoy this new chapter. Until Next Time, Review! :D


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